he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
