Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
