I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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