i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
