We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
