You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
