Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
