i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
