hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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