so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
