She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
