Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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