i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
