dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
