Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize