Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
