I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
