Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
