I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
