I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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