I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
