We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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