.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
be right there i have to get my cape
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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