I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
