alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
