FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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