i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
