I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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