my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
