Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
