what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
