There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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