you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
