ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
