Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
