If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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