if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
BRING THE BAGELS
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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