So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize