So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Everyone says I win the strip club
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
