...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
