searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
