I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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