I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
