The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
