I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
