Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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