i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
