I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
