Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
