I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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