i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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