You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
