is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
