I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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