Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Vodka?
Forever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
