im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
