he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize