I want to make a zoo with you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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