So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
