The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize