I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
