Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
