coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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