I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
