If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize