her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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